Friday, December 24, 2010

I.R.

I will think of 2010 as the year I spent on the injured reserve list.  It actually started in late 2009 with the splintering of my elbow.  Healing kept me out of the gym for about two and half months.  I still ran, but cautiously so as to avoid any further falls.  I lost a lot of strength and gained extra weight that still clings to my frame.  Hoping to jump start my return to decent shape, I signed up for Mother Road--but from the beginning, my heart wasn't in it.  I put in a few long training runs, but not nearly the mileage necessary to complete 100 miles.  And I never had the requisite mental focus.  So it was no surprise when I threw in the towel 40 miles into the run last month.  In the past, I might've told myself that 40 miles was still a long way and that I should be proud to have made it that far.  But I would've been deluding myself.  In the back of my mind, I knew that I wouldn't finish MR even before I took my first step.  I was doing it not out of desire, but almost out of obligation.  I had "branded" myself an ultrarunner to friends, family, and co-workers, so I had to sign up for another one.  But the fire that fueled my first quest was gone.  I'm not sure what 2011 holds, but I've got to rediscover myself and my passion (whatever it might be).

2 comments:

Jenny Schouten Short said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. I think I hear the winds of change. We miss you all so much. Merry CHristmas and a Happy 2011! Snowbound in Holland <:3

Tom Grant said...

I was going to ask you about mountain running, how you felt about training around here etc. Perhaps both of us should think about it. I am talking about pikes peak and MT. Washington kind of things. I am competitive stair climbing now, but how long can that last?

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